


Secrets and Lies

by Iflyinmydreams (orphan_account)



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Healing, Lies, M/M, Memory Loss, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-26 04:20:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21368080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Iflyinmydreams
Summary: Light has lost his memories as Kira, much to L's relief. While Light can't remember what happened between them, L can never forget.
Relationships: Amane Misa/Yagami Light, L/Yagami Light
Comments: 17
Kudos: 63





	1. Migraines

L shivered under his touch and cowered away. He didn't want to; the reaction was automatic. Sorry eyes peered up at Light as he lifted his hand from L's shoulder. “I'm sorry Ryuzaki. I didn't mean to startle you.”

Feigning his best smile, “It's ok, Light-kun.”

Clearing his throat, Light showed L the papers he was holding in his hands, “I discovered a connection between Kira and the Yotsuba group.”

It was difficult being next to him, breathing him in, feeling his warmth, and then trying not to shake with terror. It was impossible, pretending not to remember everything in a flash like it was happening right that moment. The bruises were gone by now, every physical trace gone. Emotionally, however, L knew there was no recovering from what happened. No, those scars run deep. “This is excellent work, Light-kun.”

As Light made his way back to his seat, he couldn't help but feel dismayed that he was of so little help to L personally. Professionally he was top notch. If only he could translate that to helping L through whatever it was he was going through, maybe then he'd make a real difference to the detective. 

However, Light was going through his own difficulties at the moment as well. His father seemed to think it was the fifty days in confinement, but Light had lost several months worth of memories. It's like he just snapped. It was all a blank. He didn't even remember Misa, his girlfriend. And to be quite honest, he wasn't sure how having her as a girlfriend even came about because he was clearly gay. It wasn't Misa he wanted, no. It was that dark headed, pale skinned, stormy eyed man sitting at the desk next to his. But every time he touched L, the man shrank back as though repulsed by Light. It was horrible. 

With a sigh, Light checked his phone then lazily looked over at L. “She wants a date.”

“Well, the day is nearly over. We can take an early leave if you want.” L suggested.

Light cringed. No, he didn't want an early leave. What he wanted was to tell Misa he had to work late, sorry. Even better than that, he wanted to break up with her and scream that he was in love with L. “Yeah, sure. I'll text her.”

The two made their way out of the office and to the elevator. While life outside of confinement had gotten noticeably better, L still insisted he keep a close eye on Light personally in the name of surveillance. They might as well be chained together, Light thought. They even shared the same bed, which, if Light were being honest, he loved. L stacked pillows between them and claimed he could tell what Light was up to even in his sleep, but that was bullshit. L might have insane insomnia keeping him up for days but when he slept he was out. Nothing would wake him. Light had even tested that theory a couple times, finding in those moments he could escape outside for fresh air and to clear his mind. His situation was pretty dire, and he knew if he didn't prove his innocence soon, L would find a way to prove otherwise and he’d wind up being executed.

The elevator ride up was quiet, with L scuffing his bare feet and staring at the floor. Light wished the man would just talk to him. It could be about anything, he just wanted to have a conversation. But the elevator dinged and the doors opened and the opportunity walked out when they did. In a few moments, Light would begin developing a migraine from all of Misa's squealing, he was quite sure. 

Right on the money, his head ache began about halfway through the movie that Misa simply refused to shut up long enough to actually watch. He rubbed his eyes and imagined smothering her. “Misa, I'm sorry to cut this date short but I've got to go. I seen to have a migraine.”

She pouted and clung to his shirt as he stood and pulled away. He and L made their way to the door, Light doing everything in his power to avoid touching, or worse, kissing the girl.

“I how you feel better,” she said softly at the door.  
“Thanks.” 

Both L and Light were surprised she didn't tackle him and demand a kiss. Perhaps him not feeling well kept the monster at bay. Light was thankful for that as he endured the bright lights of the elevator. L peered over at him curiously, studying his face in silence. Light didn't see, of course, because he had his eyes shut.

Back in their room Light was able to take medicine and lay down with a cold rag on his forehead. Again L looked over his mountain of pillows at Light. Finally, the man spoke, though it was a whisper for the sake of Light's condition. “You really are sick, aren't you? I admit I thought it was a ploy to get away from Misa.”

“No. I wish it were,” suddenly Light shot up out of bed and ran to the bathroom, where he vomited uncontrollably into the toilet.

“I'm going to call Watari. What can he bring you that would help?” L asked from the bathroom doorway. Admittedly, Light’s sudden leap from the bed had startled him at first, but now he was simply feeling sorry for the boy.

“Water,” Light managed between retches. This was the most L had spoken to him outside work. It was too bad it had to be under such circumstances.   
When Light finally stood, he rinsed with mouth wash and went back to bed. L had found his rag and ran it under the cold faucet. He wrung it out and folded it neatly, walking back to Light and placing it gingerly on his forehead. The action surprised Light, and it was easily the sweetest thing the otherwise aloof and sometimes cold detective did. “Thank you,” Light said.

“I don't like seeing you like this, Light-kun.” L pushed the pillow mountain aside and sat up next to Light, watching over him. 

Is he concerned about me? The thought made Light feel warm inside. Maybe L felt something for him after all. “You're a good friend, Ryuzaki.”

L cocked his head to the side, eyes widening a bit. He wasn't sure what to say to that. With a gulp, he reached long fingers toward Light’s face. There was no real thought process, he just wanted to touch him. Perhaps he could lie and tell Light he was checking him for fever. It didn't matter, however, because Watari arrived at that moment, and L withdrew his hand. 


	2. Dreaming and Scheming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light and L attend a party

The next morning found Light in much better shape. Sleep and medication had done him a lot of good. What he didn't expect, however, was to find the dark haired detective curled up against him. It was all Light could do not to grab the man and kiss him madly. Did he risk touching him at all? Maybe he could get away with pretending to be asleep. Deciding the risk was worth the possible reward, Light rolled toward L and lazily draped an arm around him. In this position, his nose was practically on L's hair. He closed his eyes and breathed in the detectives sweet scent. _Yes_, he thought. There was nothing more perfect. 

L grumbled in his sleep and shifted closer to Light, his head winding up beneath Light’s chin. His heart pounded wildly; this moment was everything he wanted. “Why…” L mumbled as he pressed into Light's skin. “Why do I love him…”

Light's eyes shot open and he became rigid. _Is he talking about me? _

L continued his sleep talk, “Why does Kira hurt me?”

_What the fuck? What is he talking about?_ Light decided L must've been having some crazy, nonsensical dream. Kira killed FBI agents and made L look bad, but that didn't hurt the detective. _Although_, Light considered, _he continues to assert that I used to be Kira. His theory is that the powers left me and took my memory of ever having been Kira along with it._ Light shuddered. Had he hurt L? It would explain L's startled reactions toward him. Not wanting it to be true, Light buried his face in dark hair and closed his eyes. “I love you,” he whispered into dark locks.

“I love you, too,” L mumbled into the skin of his throat.

Light gulped. Was L saying that to him or to Kira? I wonder… “L, do you love Light-kun?”

“Mmm yes. Very much,” he said softly, reaching a hand to clutch at Light's night shirt. Light felt the shock of that confession filter through him. They needed to talk about this when L was awake. If they had feelings for each other, Light wasn’t about to pass by the opportunity to be together. For now, however, he basked in the glory of this moment. He was actually holding L like he’d always wanted. There was nothing better. 

Light had dozed off again when about an hour later L woke up with a jerk, pushing himself out of Light's arms with such force that he careened off the other side of the bed, crashing to the floor. Light was startled awake and watched the whole thing, laughing into his pillow. “Are you alright?”

“Yes,” L groaned from his place on the floor. Climbing his way back onto the bed, L sat up and gathered his knees to his chest, a slight remnant of blush across his cheeks.

“Can we talk?” Light asked, propping himself up on an elbow.

“What about?”

“You were talking in your sleep.”

_Oh God_, L recalled vaguely his dream switching between the loving caress of Light to the hateful grip of Kira. He shuddered. “I'm sure it was pure nonsense.”

“You said you loved me.”

_Fuck_. “Pure nonsense.”

Light visibly deflated. “Well, what if I said I had feelings for you?"

“I would say that's really too bad, Light-kun. Even if I did reciprocate, which I don't, we can't do anything about it. You're my suspect. We work together. It would be unprofessional.” 

Something about the way L said it felt inauthentic. Light smirked, “Whatever you say.” 

Ignoring the bait, L stood from the bed and walked to the bathroom. “Might as well get ready for work.”

“It’s Saturday,” Light said.

_Fuck_. “Are we taking miss Amane out today?”

“No,” Light smiled, “I'm going to tell her I still feel unwell.”

“And what? Hide out in your room all day?”

“Maybe,” Light shrugged. He didn't care as long as he was with L. _If you would just give in to me._ Light imagined him naked, wondering what it might be like to be inside him. He shivered and shook off the thought before it took his body over and he was sporting embarrassing evidence of obsession.

Light's phone buzzed with a text and her rolled his eyes thinking it was Misa. To his surprise and delight, it wasn't. It was his friend Suzuki. “Hey, Ryuzaki a friend of mine is throwing a bon fire party tonight. Let's go. Do something fun for a change.”

L inwardly cringed. “I’d rather not.”

“Well I'm going with or without you. You can't force me to stay here unless you plan to arrest me.”

“Ok fine. I'll go.”

Light smiled wickedly. Maybe this would be his chance to get through to the detective. Feed him a little alcohol and get his walls to crumble. Suzuki always made this great punch that tasted sweet and fruity. It was affectionately dubbed the “Danger Drink” because of how potent it was. Sure, it would be shit to not inform L that it was loaded with booze, but really, did he expect differently? Surely the world's greatest detective could deduce the punch at a party like this was spiked.

Six hours later they arrived at the party and it was clear that L's social experience was nil. He hid behind Light and tried to avoid eye contact so he didn't have to talk to anyone. That didn't keep Light from introducing him to an exhausting amount of people.   
Light had handed him a cup of punch, which L found delightfully tasty. Then L discovered someone had brought cookies and brownies and he thought there was hope for this party after all.

“Um, Ryuzaki? How many of those have you had?” Light asked, face twisting between amused and worried.

“Not sure. I think three of each. Definitely three of each. Three is my lucky number. So that's what I ate.”

“Jesus Ryuzaki! Those snacks are laced with edibles.” Light decided to settle on horrified because it was his understanding that you were supposed to eat a portion of one cookie. Light couldn't even be certain that L had stopped at three.

“Well, fuck,” L said. “That certainly explains the dinosaurs.”

_Dinosaurs_? “Are you hallucinating?”

“I think the term the kids use is “trippin’ balls”.” L giggled.

_At least it seems like a good trip._ Light grabbed his hand, “Just stick with me, ok?” L nodded, wide glassy eyes looking adorable and empty. Light brought him over to the fire. The sun had begun setting, the temperature was dropping, and the evening was taking on a beautiful and romantic feel. 

L began to shiver in his lawn chair, and Light felt sorry for the high idiot. “Ryuzaki, come here,” Light said. When L stood, Light pulled him into his lap and wrapped his coat around him.

L thought he'd never felt someone so warm in his entire life. Light was like a beautiful dragon saving him from the cold. L leaned his head against Light's chest, enjoying the thump of his he beart as Light toyed absentmindedly with his hair. 

L tilted his head up to look at Light and Light’s fingers stilled. Light opened his mouth to ask L what he was doing but his voice was muted when L pressed his lips to Light's. Light pressed down on L's mouth, deepening the kiss as his hands held the back of L's head.

In that moment, it was just the two of them. It felt like a dream to Light as they kissed, and when they parted, sultry silver eyes glowed as they looked into his. Light had a million questions dancing on his tongue. He wanted to know why L kissed him, did he have feelings for him, did he change his mind about getting together? “L…”

“Sh,” L said, “You talk too much.” He pushed his open mouth against Light in another kiss. This time it was different. It was needy, sexual, and insanely arousing.


	3. Cat's Outta the Bag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light have a sexy drunken night. L wakes up horrified to remember it.

After making a sensual spectacle of themselves in front of party guests who drunkenly began cheering them on, Light laughed and pulled away from L. “We could take this inside, if you wanted.”

“I want that,” L whispered.

Hand in hand they hurried away from the bonfire, embarrassing shouts and cheers in the background. Neither cared, however, they just wanted privacy, intimacy. Light found an unoccupied bedroom that for all intents and purposes looked like a guest room. Perfect. Locking the door, he turned to L and lifted off his shirt. L shivered and Light embraced him, kissing that perfect skin along his shoulders and neck.

L wasted no time divesting himself of his pants and boxers, and Light stood in stunned amazement at how great L's body actually was beneath those baggy clothes. The man was hung and it made Light rock hard with desire for him. Shedding his own clothing with haste, Light took L's hand and led him to the bed, where he sat on the edge and looked up at L. “Are you sure you're ready?”

L nodded drunkenly, then crawled on top of Light as he kissed him. Light reclined, his hands seeking to touch every part of that wonderful body. Rolling them over so he was on top, Light hoped there was some lube somewhere in that room. He'd settle for sucking each other off but he desperately wanted to fuck L into oblivion. Reaching for the nightstand drawer, he was shocked at what luck he had. “I don't think they'll mind if we borrow this.”

L giggled and squirmed as Light reached between his legs and parted his cheeks. Not expecting to feel a little ridge above L's hole, Light made a face. “Oh, I had to have stitches,” L said.

“Oh, ok,” Light didn't think much of it. He supposed L was in some kind of accident. When he pushed his fingers inside L, he felt another ridge. This time he didn't make a face, he simply proceeded to stretch L out as he stroked his shaft, willing his body to relax for him. As Light worked his fingers inside L, he couldn't help but wonder what caused him to need internal stitches like this. The internal ridge was only a few inches long, but it seemed quite an unlikely place to have an accident. He wondered if he'd ever know the reason for it.

L moaned and called Light’s name as he arched his back and came on his stomach. Light smiled at his triumph, lining up his slick cock with L's sweet ass and sinking in slowly, enjoying every moment of being inside the perfect, hot velvet. The little ridge inside L was a nice addition to rub his dick against as he fucked into L. 

It didn't take long to build his climax. Light stopped several times to lean forward and kiss L lovingly in an attempt not to come. It delayed the inevitable by a little bit, but his excitement to finally be inside L combined with his alcohol consumption earlier meant he wasn't lasting long at all. It didn't matter though, because he adjusted his angle until he found that sweet spot that had L screaming his name again. Hopefully even though it was a short session, L would still feel like it was good. “I'm coming! Oh, I'm sorry L I can't hold back any longer!”

L just smiled and giggled as Light thrust inside one final time as he spilled into L, his body rigid and hot. Light could feel himself coming in spurts, surprised by the amount and intensity. It was dizzying. Panting and sweaty, he pulled out and reached for the tissues on the nightstand. The mess he made was pretty tremendous, and L just laid in the glory of it all as Light cleaned them both up. 

Tossing the tissues on the floor like a slob, Light laid next to L and pulled him close. They kissed a few more times before giving in to sleep. This was the best night of Light’s life, and as he closed his eyes, he thought he never felt more happy or in love.

***

_Why am I naked?_ L froze in sheer panic, head pounding as he winced from the harsh morning light. _Why is my ass sore? Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no._ L jumped out of bed and hurriedly dressed, waking a groggy Light. “Good morning,” Light mumbled sleepily.

“We need to leave. Now,” L said as he zipped his pants and glared at Light through painful eyes.

Confused, Light sat up. “Why? Come back to bed and snuggle with me.”

“That's the last thing I want to do,” L bit.

The words hurt Light. He didn't understand. “What?”

“Last night was a mistake. I was clearly out of my mind. I didn't even know who you were.”

Light decided to call him out, “You're full of shit, L. You screamed my name the entire time I fucked you.”

L felt sick. Light was right. He might have been drunk and high but he knew what he was doing. “It was still a mistake.”

“No, it wasn’t. You have feelings for me. I know you do.” Light stood and began to dress, his anger mounting.

L didn't have a response to that. It was true, he did have feelings for Light, but they were muddled and confused, wrapped in fear and pain and rage. “I'm sorry,” he muttered, staring at the floor.

Light felt his anger melt away at the sight of the lowly detective. “L, please talk to me. I know something happened to you. It's written all over your face.”

L looked up at him. _What do I say?_ “I…. I had someone before you. I thought I loved him.” L paused and looked away, rubbing his arm. “He did terrible things to me, Light. Unspeakable things.”

Light stepped forward slowly, placing his arms gingerly around the detective. With a gentle, warm embrace he closed his arms around L and brought him into his chest. With a sigh, “I'm so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for telling me. I feel like I can understand you better now.”

L simply buried his face in Light's chest and breathed him in, succumbing to the comfort he found there. His fingers curled around the front of Light's shirt and he winced, trying to keep his emotions at bay. Light really cared for him. Genuinely loved him. There was no toxicity here, no abuse. Light was offering to protect him, love him, help him heal. He wanted that. Wanted all of that. 

Light kissed the top of his head, “Let's go home, L.”  
They pulled away from each other and L's eyes swirled like galaxies as the emotion lit up his face and he struggled against the tiny smile that crept in. “Sounds good. I feel like shit.”

“I bet you do,” Light snickered a bit and graced L's shoulders with an arm as he walked them out. 

***

Several Advil, some food, coffee, and a nap with Light later, L felt less dead than he had before. Light was still asleep, and L marveled at the beauty that graced his bed, gently snoring. L wondered how corny it was to think Light looked almost angelic. He laughed at himself as he touched that youthful face. He loved Light, there was no way around it. And as of last night, he'd apparently put everything out on the table. _Oh well,_ he thought. There were worse things than being with Light. He found he didn't care if it got him fired anymore. There was something about being with him that felt right, felt healing.

Light stirred and smiled at L, eyes half open. He turned his head to kiss the palm of the hand that touched his face. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” L said. He found he meant it, and with each passing moment he meant it more.  
Reaching for L, Light brought their mouths together in a sweet, gentle kiss. It wasn't one seeking more or a prelude to sex. It wasn't needy. The way Light kissed him said_ I love you_ in a thousand different ways for a thousand different reasons. And when the kiss ended and shining amber eyes looked longingly into stormy grey ones, they said_ I'll never stop loving you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're digging this story, show me some love 🥰. Leave a comment, let me know how you feel.


	4. A Nightmare Relived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L refuses to tell Light what's bothering him

Things got better and better between Light and L, though it was an uphill battle. Sometimes L still killed at Light's touch when he wasn’t expecting it, or if he was having a bad day he walled Light off entirely. Watari made his usual rounds with tea and coffee, stopping at L and clearing his throat, “A word in private, sir?”

L looked up from his computer, not expecting Watari to want to speak with him. After a brief hesitation, he said, “Sure,” and hopped out of his seat to follow the old man into the kitchen.

Watari closed the door behind them then went to stand in front of L. “Usually I try to mind my own business, sir, but I'm concerned. It's apparent you've grown close to Light. Is that wise?”

L looked down. _Probably not_, he thought. “He's not Kira anymore.”

“What happens when he gets his powers back?”  
L cringed. _He'll probably kill me._ “I won't let that happen.”

Watari sighed, “It seems you're set on this, so I won't stand in your way. Please be careful.”

“I will, Watari,” L mumbled as he excused himself and got back to work. His conversation with Watari would bother and distract him all day. Of course Light picked up on it, but L wouldn't open up to him. It wasn't like L could tell Light what was really going on anyway. 

Once they were alone in their room, Light thought L might talk to him now that they had privacy. “L, what's wrong? You've seemed upset since your spoke to Watari earlier today.”

L pulled his pajama top over his head and sighed without looking at Light. “I don't want to talk about it.”

“I can't be there for you if I don't know what is going on, L.” 

“Please don’t push the issue. If I wanted you to know, I would've told you.”

L's words bit, and Light’s face dropped. He didn't try again the rest of the night. Instead, he turned away from L and fell asleep near the edge of the bed. L laid awake with his thoughts a while longer, anxiety eating away at him. Eventually he slept, but it wasn't restful. It was riddled with nightmares.

He was running from Kira down a long, cold hallway, windows on either side stretching the entire length of the hallway. No matter how far he ran, L couldn't get away from him. Kira caught up to him easily, his evil laughter echoing down the hall. Pinning L down with one hand, he used his other to yank down L's pants. L shut his eyes as he screamed for help, begging the people on the other side of the windows to do something, but nobody could hear him. They didn't even look his way. “Don’t do this! Don't do this! Please!”

Tears streamed down L's face as he struggled, but Kira was stronger than him, his grip on his arms like a vice as he held L's legs down with his knees. In one smooth motion, Kira pulled out his throbbing erection, and laughed as he shoved it dry inside of L. L screamed in pain and cried as he felt himself being split in two. “Stop! Stop! Please, somebody help me!”

He could feel himself begin to bleed as Kira raped him mercilessly, a numbness coming over him as the shock of what was happening settled in. He couldn't get away, there was no sense in struggling. When Kira was finished, he grunted as he came and spat in L's face as he laughed. He used L's shirt to wipe the blood from his dick. Standing, he zipped his pants and walked away without a word. L didn't moved as he lay there crying in a pool of his own blood. “Please,” he muttered, “Somebody please help me…”

The nightmare replayed, L enduring torture and rape at the hands of Kira as he slept. Finally he was shaken awake by someone grabbing his shoulders firmly and yelling his name. “L! Wake up!”

“Kira!” L screamed in horror as he reared his leg back and kicked Light in the stomach, thrusting him off the bed and across the room with the force.

Light coughed and sputtered as he struggled for breath. Rising to his hands and knees, he managed to say, “No, L. It's me, Light.”

“Oh no,” L sprang from the bed and ran to Light, lifting him up. “Are you alright?”

“I'll live,” Light said with a dry cough.

“I'm so sorry.”

“It's alright,” Light said, sitting back and searching L's face. “You need to talk to me, though. What's going on?”

L looked away, his eyes scanning the floor as though it would somehow give him the words. “I told you about my abusive ex.”

“Yes.” Light waited patiently for him to go on.  
L breathed deep, letting the air out slowly, “He- he's the reason I had to have stitches.”

“Oh God, L!” Light pulled him into a hug as L lost it, clutching Light as he sobbed openly. _Why was he saying Kira’s name if it was his ex_? “Did you dream about Kira too? You were saying his name in your sleep. Screaming it, actually.”

L hitched. “Yes.” 

“You thought I was Kira?”

“Yes,” L admitted.

Light didn't want to ask anymore questions. He was afraid of where it would lead and who would end up hurt. Instead, he held L in the quiet darkness of the bedroom floor. It was all he could do. Eventually L lifted his head and placed a tender kiss on Light’s lips. “Thank you,” he whispered. 

They stood and got back in bed, Light holding L firmly as they both tried to go back to sleep. Light's stomach was quite sore, making it difficult. L kept replaying the events of Kira's torment over and over. Back then, nobody knew it was going on. L hid the bruises well, and it was normal for him to come to work fatigued. It wasn't until Kira really and truly hurt him and he wound up in the hospital that Watari figured it out. 

Watari had Kira contained in an illegally built cell beneath HQ. He told L what he'd done, but by the time L got out of the hospital, Light was acting like someone else entirely and a new Kira emerged. It was confusing, and eventually L had to let Light out. That's when they all realized Light had lost his memories. 

L decided not to remind Light of anything. He'd hoped that by giving them both a fresh start, things could be different between them. So far, he was right. As he watched Light sleep, he knew Light could never know the truth. It would devastate him to find out he was the abusive ex that L so feared. That he and Kira were together in a volatile and toxic cacophony of mutual lust and hate. That Light was the one who beat him, strangled him, raped him, and left him for dead.


	5. Yotsuba

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They catch Kira

The day inevitably came when L and his team honed in on the Yotsuba group, targeting Higuchi as Kira. The team seemed excited, even Light broke his usually composed character and high fived Matsuda. L, however, was not excited. His stomach turned with anxiety as his paranoia mounted. Once they caught Higuchi, would Kira’s powers be transferred back to Light? L still didn't know how any of that worked, but there was a good chance that the Light he loved would disappear, consumed by the evil powers of Kira. 

He, Light and Watari took the helicopter on the car chase that led to Higuchi’s arrest. Something called a Death Note was discovered, and anyone who touched it could see a terrifying Shinigammi. I must not let Light touch that book. He didn't know for sure if that's what held the key to Light's memories, but he didn't want to find out. “Souichiro,” L radioed out, “Secure the notebook and bring it back to HQ. I want a closer look at it.”

L turned to Light, thinking on the fly, “Light, I think it's best that we don't touch the notebook. There's no way to know for certain that the book doesn't corrupt those who touch it, so we need an impartial party too be sure.”

“Makes sense,” Light said.

For some reason, however, Light noticed he felt a strong desire to touch the notebook. He had a hard time looking away from it as the team studied it on a table at HQ. The pull was intense, and it was all he could focus on. “Are you alright?” L asked, concerned.

“Yeah, just distracted. Sorry,” Light tried to cover, “All this talk of the supernatural has my head spinning.”

“Yes, it's a lot to take in.” L didn't trust Light around the Death Note. Something in his gut told him her couldn't. “Watari, please have the Death Note locked in the safe. I think we've done all we can today. We’ll resume interrogating Higuchi tomorrow.”

“Very well sir,” Watari said as he lifted the notebook and carried it off, Light’s eyes following him until the old man disappeared out the door.

The rest of the team packed up at L's dismissal. They were exhausted but happy, the Kira case was close to being solved at last. Now that the notebook was out of sight, Light turned his attention to L. With the case closing, what would happen to their relationship? Would L go back to England and leave him? Light had to finish school, it wasn't like he could just up and leave…if L wanted him with him anyway. He gulped. They needed to talk about it soon.

“You’ve been acting strange all evening,” L said as they made their way to their room. “What's going on?”

Light wasn’t sure if he should tell L the truth about the notebook. “What are your plans after the investigation ends?”

“I'll probably go back to England.” L said it so casually that Light wondered if L cared about him at all.

“Oh, ok.” Light shifted uncomfortably on his feet, not knowing where to take the conversation.

“Light, are you worried about us?”

“Yes,” he admitted, glancing at L.

Finally alone in their room, L approached Light and took his hands. He looked up at the young man and studied his face. “You know I love you. Being with you has helped me heal and realize I am capable and worthy of a healthy relationship. Come to England with me. Go to school out there.”

Light was shocked and didn't know what to say for a moment. He stood there and held hands with L, trying to figure out all his emotions. “Ok,” he said with a smile. “I'll move to England with you.”

L pulled Light into him for a kiss that quickly evolved into more. Hands roamed over soft flesh as clothing was discarded haphazardly onto the floor. Light pushed L down onto the bed and grabbed the lube from the nightstand on his way down to his lover. He wasted no time prepping L, stretching him with his fingers as he sucked him off. The little ridges where his stitches once were no longer bothered him. This was simply how L's body was, and Light loved it.

Light's tongue swirled around the head of L's penis, and he licked up the precome as it dripped into his mouth, humming at the taste. L groaned when Light popped off and started sucking on his balls as his free hand worked his slick shaft. It was far too overstimulating, and L exploded into Light's fist when his fingers touched his prostate. 

Sitting up, Light let go of L's shaft and looked at the come on his fingers. With a devious smile, he leaned over and smeared it on L's lips, who grimaced a bit and looked at him funny. But L understood when Light bent over to kiss and lick it off his lips, nipping the bottom lip a bit when he was done.

“I need you,” L said, adjusting his hips and staring at Light with desire in his eyes.

“I need you too,” Light whispered as he plunged inside that soft, tight heat. “Ah!” he cried out, gripping L's shoulders as L reached for his thighs.

“So good,” L panted out as Light began to rock against him, sinking in until his hips were flush against L's ass. L rocked his ass against Light in time with his thrusts, Light adjusting his angle until he hit that sweet spot. “There!” L shouted, “Don't stop! Don't stop!”

Encouraged by L's screams, Light pounded into him fast and hard, his muscles burning from the effort. Sweat dripped and slid down his body, and he leaned down to kiss L, his orgasm impending upon him like a brewing storm. He opened his mouth to scream and L bit down hard onto his bottom lip as Light came inside him, the ecstasy and pain twining together in a perfect moment of bliss.

L licked his lips, the iron taste of Light’s blood dancing on its tip. Light didn't even seem to notice he was bleeding. He laid on top of L and shivered in the after glow, his flaccid penis still inside his lover. They stayed like that a while, neither daring to move and break the spell that was cast upon them.


	6. When The Truth Dies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter. It's short, but fitting I think

The next day saw a neat catastrophe that had L in a panic he couldn't shake. He'd asked Watari to retrieve the Death Note from the safe so he could test some of the rules in it. On his way back in, he collided with Light who was nose deep in some final paperwork he had to go over as he walked across the room. The notebook went flying, papers went flying, and both Light and Watari went down.

That wasn't what was terrifying, however. No, what nearly caused L to lose his mind is when Light instinctively reached his hand out to try and catch the notebook midair. It was like everything happened in slow motion, and L sat in his chair frozen and unable to stop it.

Thankfully the book hit the ground just beyond his reach and slid to Souichiro’s feet, who picked it up and tucked it under his arm. L felt he could breathe again. Despite the relief of the near mishap, he found he was shaking too much to even drink his coffee.

They finished questioning Higuchi and he was transferred out of their custody to be processed for maximum security prison. He'd serve until it was time to carry out his death sentence. The rest of the team packed up their desks as they finished their paperwork, and L finished his tests but the end of the day, though he wouldn't get results on some of them for weeks yet.  
“Let's all go out to dinner. My treat,” L said. “I want to celebrate the closing of this case.”

“Sounds good!” Matsuda cheered. Aizawa and Mogi smiled and agreed as well. It seemed everyone was up for one last little adventure together.

Truth be told, L was attempting to delay the inevitable. After what had happened earlier that day, he was afraid of what his fear might lead him to do once he and Light were alone. For now he pushed those thoughts from his mind and plastered a smile on his face, participating in the toast Souichiro was giving.

***

Later that night all of L's fears resurfaced as he paced the bedroom floor. Who was he kidding? They were never meant for happily ever after. There was too much between them. Too much had happened. Light slept soundly as L continued to pace the room. He was so innocent, so pure, but fear gripped L every time he thought of Light touching the notebook. He almost had today. L was certain if that happened that Light would get his memories back, become Kira again, then he'd kill L. But not before he tortured him first. L cringed at the thought and stopped pacing at the side of the bed. For a moment he just watched Light sleep. His heart ached at how much he loved that boy.

L gingerly climbed into the bed and straddled Light without waking him. With tears in his eyes, he kissed those perfect lips. “I wish there was another way,” he whispered, raising the dagger he'd been carrying up and aiming for Light's heart.

The kiss had woken Light. “L?” he was dazed and didn’t realize what was going on until the blade plunged into his chest. He screamed and began fighting L as pain surged through his body. L stabbed him again and Light could feel himself growing weaker despite his panic. Blood splattered across L’s face and with his final breath Light whispered, “Why…” as his arms fell to the bed, lifeless.

L wept as he turned the blade on himself, “We’ll be together soon,” he said as he plunged the dagger deep into his chest. Falling on top of Light, he held him one last time as the life left his body. 

***

It would be ruled a murder-suicide. Watari would find them and call Souichiro and the authorities. Both men were beside themselves, Souichiro collapsing as he wailed in the hallway. It was all a blur. Investigators swarmed in and took pictures. The bodies were bagged and carted off. No note was left explaining anything. 

It was decided to bury Light and L next to each other. Despite how things ended, it was obvious they loved each other very much. They never did get any answers as to why L would do this . Watari blamed himself for not seeing how L was far more troubled than he realized. What none of them knew is that L had saved them from the real Kira. They would never know, because the truth died with him.


End file.
